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Warren Buffett once said, “Until you can manage your emotions, don’t expect to manage money.” Robert Greene asserted that if you can’t manage your emotions, you can’t expect to be a leader.

Have you ever felt like a slave to your emotions, as if they governed you to a great degree?

Perhaps you believe that feelings are uncontrollable forces that rule over you, leaving you without any say in the matter.

If so, you’re not alone—I’ve been there too.

I’ve had too many times when I let reason take the backseat while my emotions grabbed the wheel. Which often resulted in impulsive decisions that I later regretted.

I’ve always admired individuals who exude a sense of calm, rationality, and overall composure.

However, it’s important to recognize that managing emotions is not reserved for a select few.

We don’t have to buy into the idea that the ability to handle emotions is some sort of personality type. That one either has or doesn’t.

So, in this blog, I explore practical strategies for effectively managing emotions.

By implementing these strategies, you can reclaim control over your emotions and ultimately become the master of your destiny.

A great place to begin is by taking a look at the role emotions play in our lives.

Purpose of emotions

We are designed to have emotions, they are there for a purpose. They serve two functions: a cognitive and a motivational function.

The cognitive function provides you with information about your world. This information contains aspects about your environment that you care for and those to which you’re averse.

For example, fear informs you about imminent danger; anger reveals what offends you and where your boundaries lie.

Shame manifests with that which makes you feel less than; while pride originates from your successes. Sadness comes with the losses you suffer, and amusement is triggered by what you find comical.

Your emotions signal to you that something important needs your attention.

The second function they serve is the motivational function. Emotions are powerful motivators that propel you to act.

Fear, for example, triggers the fight-or-flight response, which prepares you to respond to dangerous situations. Happiness motivates you to seek rewarding experiences and maintain social connections.

You might be wondering: “Why do emotions wreak havoc on our lives if they’re meant to help us?”

Well, the issue comes in when you have a polarized perception of the situation at hand. This leads to your emotions getting out of hand, ultimately causing you to overreact.

Any time you have a highly polarized perception, you’re going to have a highly polarized emotion.

Strong emotions let you know whenever you have an imbalanced perception; when you’re thinking in black-and-white terms – in absolutes.

Here’s an explanation for our susceptibility to emotional outbursts.

The cause for our emotional hijacks: The amygdala

The amygdala is part of your emotional brain center, the limbic system. It assigns an emotional charge to the things you perceive.

It stores those things in your hippocampus which is the part of your brain that is involved in memory.

When you have a polarized perception about an event; when you perceive it as good or bad, it is stored in your memory.

And when you see anything that reminds you of that event, your amygdala will cause you to react before you think.

See, in the brain’s architecture, the amygdala is poised something like an alarm company where operators stand ready to send out emergency calls to the fire department, police, and a neighbor whenever a home security system signals trouble.

About 200 milliseconds is all it takes for you to react after your amygdala has sent out the trouble signal.

For more on this, I suggest you read Dr. Daniel Goleman’s book: Emotional Intelligence.

If you’re wondering, “Where’s my thinking brain when I need it?”

Well, here’s a little brief about the anatomy of our brains that explains why sometimes, emotion tramples reason.

How the brain grew

The brainstem developed first. It’s the most primitive part of our brain, and it surrounds the top of the spinal cord.

It regulates basic life functions like breathing and the metabolism of other body organs.

From it, emerged the emotional centers; the limbic system. Which is like a ring around the brainstem.

It contains in it the amygdala that I mentioned earlier and, of course, other parts as well.

From the limbic system; your emotional brain, evolved the thinking brain -the neocortex. 

The reason I’ve given a brief history of how the brain grew, is so you can appreciate the relationship between thought and feeling.

The emotional areas of your brain are intertwined via myriad connecting circuits to all parts of your thinking brain and have immense power to influence the functioning of the rest of the brain.

That’s why, during an emotional emergency, the amygdala can capture and drive much of the rest of the brain -including the rational brain.

So, it’s important to note: there was an emotional brain long before there was a rational one.

What’s the relevance of all of this, you ask?

Well, as long as you’re always in the amygdala kind of survival mode, you’re going to be a victim of your history and not the master of your destiny.

Fortunately, the prefrontal cortex, which is part of your rational brain, has transmitters that calm down the impulses and instincts of the amygdala.

These transmitters balance out the polarized perception and bring it into neutrality; which awakens reasons and allows you to think.

However, when you operate from the amygdala often, there will be actual degeneration or apoptosis; cell destruction in the prefrontal cortex -if you don’t use it, you lose it.

So, cultivate the habit of stopping yourself right in your tracks before you overreact. And practice pausing to take a breath, and then think of the appropriate response to the situation.

The more you do this, you’ll learn how to use your rational mind during emotionally charged situations, and you’ll develop better emotional habits.

Yes, emotions can be habitual. Let me explain.

How emotional habits are created

According to William W. Atkinson, in his book: Thought Vibrations, we think of emotions as independent of habit; but, we are a bundle of emotional habits. 

The axiom of psychology is that emotions are deepened by repetition.

If you allow a state of feeling to thoroughly take possession of you, you’ll find it easier to yield to it the second time around, until the feeling or emotion becomes second nature to you.

For example, if you’ve ever been jealous, you know how insidious jealousy’s first approach is.

How it subtly whispers hateful suggestions in your willing ear and gradually follows them up until you finally turn green with envy.

And if you fail to shake it off, it becomes easier to get jealous the next time.

When you notice a negative emotion starting to take up a permanent aboard with you, work hard to get rid of it or at least master it right from the start.

Because every repetition will render the emotion more entrenched, and the mastering of it more difficult.

See, if you give way to a bit of rage, you’ll find it easier to become angry the next time, even with less provocation.

In almost every area of your life, if you look at the challenges you faced, it’s because you lost control, and didn’t know how to manage your emotions.

Being able to withstand emotional storms has been praised as a virtue since the time of Plato, and managing emotions is not a difficult task; you just need to know a few practical strategies for handling them.  

Let’s explore.

Strategies for managing emotions

Having personally experienced the detrimental effects of overwhelming emotions, I embarked on a journey to regain control.

Through diligent research, I discovered some invaluable strategies for effectively managing and harnessing my emotions, and I grouped them into three steps.

Step one: Pausing before a reaction

This practice creates a space between the emotional trigger and your response, allowing you to assess the situation objectively and make a more intentional and thoughtful choice about how to respond.

See, when you react immediately to a triggering event, your emotions tend to drive your actions, potentially leading to uncontrolled or exaggerated responses.

But, by pausing, you allow yourself to calm down, regain composure, and approach the situation with a more balanced emotional state.

So, don’t be afraid to excuse yourself when you feel triggered. Your future self will thank you.

Step two: Processing your emotions

There are many ways you can process your emotions but, I’ll focus on my three favorites.

•  Journaling

By writing about your feelings, you gain insights into what triggers them and how they affect you.

Writing also creates distance between you and your emotions, allowing you to observe them from a more objective perspective.

This objectivity can provide clarity and help you gain a different perspective on the situation.

You’ll also be able to explore the underlying reasons for your feelings, connect the dots, and uncover any unresolved issues.

This self-awareness will allow you to identify recurring emotional patterns and make better-informed choices about how to respond to them in the future.

Read more on the benefits of journaling here.

• Mindfulness and Meditation

Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help increase self-awareness and enable you to observe your emotions without immediately reacting to them.

Regular mindfulness practice will allow you to develop a non-judgmental and accepting attitude toward your emotions, giving you more control over your reactions.

These practices enable you to become attuned to the arising of emotions and the triggers that set them off, allowing you to consciously choose to pause before reacting.

• Physical Exercise

Engaging in regular physical exercise can be a great way to release pent-up emotions and reduce stress.

This is because exercise stimulates the production of endorphins, which are natural mood enhancers.

Find an activity you enjoy, such as jogging, dancing, or yoga, and make it a part of your routine -my go-to is dancing.

Exercise can also serve as a distraction from negative or overwhelming emotions.

When you immerse yourself in physical activity, your focus shifts away from your emotional distress and onto the present moment and physical sensations.

This break from rumination or negative thought patterns can provide a fresh perspective, allowing you to gain clarity and reduce the intensity of emotions.

Speaking of shifting focus, that’s our last step in managing emotions.

Step three: Shifting your focus

To reiterate what I said before, if you allow a negative emotion to take possession of you, you’ll find it easier to yield to it the second time around.

So, you must shift your mental focus. To do this, all you have to do is get back to thinking positively.

A positive thought is the strongest plant in the garden of your mind, and in time will starve out the negative one by withdrawing the nourishment necessary for its existence.

Put as much time as possible into watering and caring for the positive thoughts.

For example, if you’ve been harboring hateful thoughts that have been eliciting negative emotions, you can best overcome them by cultivating love in their place.

Think love and act it out as much as possible.

Cultivate thoughts of kindness and show kindness to whomever you meet; and soon, love will master hate.

Remember, each time the mind entertains the positive thought, the easier the resounding action; and each time the resounding action is performed, the easier the corresponding thought.

Conclusion

Horace Walpole once said: “Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.”

This quote encapsulates the importance of finding a balance between our rational and emotional selves.

While emotions are a fundamental part of being human, we need to remember that they are very much like fire.

When properly managed, they can fuel our growth, enhance our relationships, and provide us with inspiration and motivation.

However, if left unchecked, they have the potential to cause chaos and destruction, much like a fire that can either cook your food or burn down your house.

So, we must learn to manage and utilize our emotions in constructive and productive ways.

I would be delighted to hear about some of the methods you employ to handle your emotions.

Please feel free to leave a comment below.

Cynthia A. Murungi

Hey there! Welcome to thehealseekers, a space created to expand women's consciousness in metaphysics, psychology, and self-development. I hope you find inspiration here!

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