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Recently, I had an early appointment at a government office to pick up my new passport, and something incredible happened.

I had an encounter with a friend that can only be described as synchronicity.

In the days leading up to that moment, I’d been thinking a lot about the future and what it had in store.

This I guess stems from my inexplicable need to have everything planned out with a clear goal on the horizon; preferably one that is reachable.

Instead of engaging in the usual banal small talk that often prefaces a casual conversation, my friend and I dove straight into the deep stuff.

We talked about life in general and I managed to steer the conversation naturally to the topic of fear.

As someone who relishes deep conversations, this was the invigorating morning talk I needed as we waited for our names to be called.

Meanwhile, the people around us were quiet -seemingly bound by some unspoken rule of silence on government premises. Regardless, we kept on talking.

“Are you still at…?” I inquired.

“Ah, no. I left that place.” He jumped in and responded before I could finish the question.

“Did you quit?” I asked -as if I’d somehow lost the ability to read between the lines.

“Yeah, I did. The mounting pressure had become too much to bear. I couldn’t take it anymore.” He responded with a gracious smile.

“Weren’t you afraid…you know… of not getting another job immediately?” I asked.

“Believe me, I was paralyzed by that fear. Not knowing what I was going to do next, or what followed was quite unsettling.”

“But ultimately, the desire for release from the pressure outweighed my fears, and so I left.” He replied while simultaneously checking his WhatsApp.

As he typed out a response to a message he’d read, pausing momentarily to contemplate how to better craft it, I thought about the ominous cloud of fears that had been looming over me for months.

It contained all the fears from my past, the ones I grappled with in the present, and those that future me would inevitably face.

As I became lost in this abstract contemplation, a thought emerged: what awaits us on the other side of fear?

So, I reopened the conversation, eager to know what happened after my friend made that bold decision.

“What happened after you left, did you get a new job or are you still looking?” I asked, secretly scared of what his response might be; as if it would somehow confirm all my fears.

“Oh yeah, I got a new one which most people believed was beneath me. And eventually, another that surpassed all my previous experiences combined.” He replied with a smile brimming with hope and confidence -which I desperately needed.

“Huh! Isn’t that something? Life continues, and sometimes, it takes us on even better paths.” I thought out loud, and he looked at me and shook his head in agreement.

You see, fear often disguises itself as a ferocious lion, ready to pounce. But once we confront it head-on, it shrinks into a scornful, offended cat and scurries away. So, why do we allow fear to hold us back?

Perhaps it’s because we are the descendants of people who relied on fear to protect themselves from being devoured by predators, ensuring their survival and the passing on of their genes.

Hence why fear is hardwired into our very being.

Ironically, the predators of our time are no longer tangible beasts like lions and bears. They have transformed into intangible forces: uncertainty and the great unknown.

Unlike facing a bear or lion, where our inevitable demise is imminent if we don’t run, uncertainty leaves us in the dark.

We don’t know what lies ahead or what hides in the shadows, ready to consume us at any moment.

Could it be a bear or a lion, the shame and guilt of not meeting our parents’ expectations, or the freedom to pursue what brings us joy and fulfillment? The answer eludes us.

We’ve all had those ungodly hours when we made decisions based on fear.  

We stayed in dead-end jobs, believing it was better than having nothing at all. We clung desperately to failing relationships, fearing that we might never find someone better.

But my conversation with my friend reminded me that sometimes, the things we fear the most never materialize. So why allow fear to cripple our progress?

Intrigued by the realization that our fears often don’t come to pass, I was propelled to explore ways to overcome this paralyzing emotion.

So, here are two key aspects to consider when confronting fearful thoughts:

1. What are you focusing on?

When you become aware of where your mind wanders during moments of fear, you’ll notice a tendency towards negativity.

Thoughts like “I’ll never find a better job” or “What if I never find another partner?” dominate your thinking.

You might even question your worth, thinking, “Who am I to leave this job or relationship?”

These pessimistic thoughts fuel the flames of fear, intensifying its grip on you.

2. What words are you saying to yourself?

Pay close attention to the language you use when fear takes hold.

More often than not, your words revolve around phrases like “It’s not going to work out” or “Life is meant to be difficult.”

The language you employ when fearful can either limit or empower you.

Actionable takeaway

Over the course of this week, I invite you to take the time to observe your thoughts and language during moments of fear.

By becoming aware of the negative thought patterns and language accompanying fear, you can break free from the cycle of limiting beliefs.

Grab a pen and a notebook, and write down your thoughts and the words you use during this time.

Viewing them from a different perspective will provide much-needed clarity.

Also, ask yourself, “If I were fearless and confident, what thoughts would occupy my mind? What words would I speak?”

Remember, it’s a battle of mind over matter. When you become fearless, you become limitless.

So, embrace the uncertainty, confront your fears, and discover the incredible opportunities that await on the other side.