thehealseekers.com

Have you noticed the two fragmented sides to yourself: one sweet and kind, and the other dark and mysterious?

Or have you experienced times when your actions and intentions didn’t align?

If so, this might have led you to struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, and self-judgment.

Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

We, humans, have two different sides to ourselves: the light and the shadow side.

The light side is made up of all the things you love and appreciate about yourself, and the shadow side is made up of all the things you loathe and despise about yourself.

These are the aspects that you never show to the outer world -at least not consciously.

But the less your shadow is embodied in your conscious life, the darker and denser it becomes.

You must Integrate the repressed elements of your psyche that formed your shadow to become a better version of yourself.

In this blog, I discuss what a shadow is, how you can identify it, the benefits of doing shadow work, and how to practice it.

Let’s explore.

What is the shadow?

According to Carl Jung, the Swiss psychologist that brought this concept to public awareness, a personality includes the persona, which is the personality that people show to the public, and the shadow self, which remains private or hidden.

The shadow is the unknown dark side of your psyche that is made up of whatever you deny, hate, and despise in yourself.

All the aspects of your personality that you perceive as inferior, evil, or unacceptable.

Aspects like wrath, guilt, selfishness, greed, envy, and resentment -to say the least.

The shadow is a moral problem that challenges your ego ideal -which according to psychologist Sigmund Freud- is the part of your mind that imposes on itself concepts of ideal behavior developed from parental and social standards.

Let’s discuss how the shadow is formed.

The shadow is first formed at the childhood stage.

For example, if you were an aggressive child and you liked to play rough games with other kids, your parents probably reprimanded you for it.

Or if you were a naughty child at school that always distracted the class, your teachers might have always sent you to the corner to think about your actions.

So you started noticing the behaviors that you were praised and appreciated for and those that got you punished.

You then learned to accept the good ones and repress the bad ones and that is how your shadow was formed.

At this point, you might be wondering: “where did all these negative aspects of my personality go when I repressed them?”

Well, they never left you, they instead formed your shadow self.

Which only grows darker and stronger as you continue to repress aspects of your personality that you don’t like as you go through life.

Unfortunately, you don’t only repress negative aspects of your personality, you also repress positive and life-promoting characteristics such as assertiveness and early attempts at creativity -if they were met with ridicule.

These positive aspects can remain hidden in your shadow especially if you struggle with low self-esteem and self-limiting beliefs.

Carl Jung said: One does not become enlightened by imaging figures of light -but by making the darkness conscious.

And since you repressed elements of your personality into your shadow, your conscious mind is generally unaware of them.

Therefore, it’s vital that you recognize these dark aspects of your personality as present and real, and become conscious of them.

Here’s how you can spot your shadow.

1. Identify your projections.

Did you know that what you usually dislike in other people is an aspect of your personality that you repressed into your shadow and subconsciously recognize within yourself?

Probably not.

But you wouldn’t be bothered by a negative aspect of someone if it wasn’t already in you.

So, you end up projecting onto others your fears, concerns, and anxieties, and as a result, you can seek to judge or punish them for reflecting those traits.

For example, if you despise your cousin Carol for being a snob, guess who’s also secretly a snob? You guessed right!

Here are a few questions that will help you discover what you’re projecting onto others.

• What do I dislike in others?
• What do I judge in others?

2. Identify your emotional triggers.

Your emotional triggers hold powerful information about the repressed aspects of your personality.

For example, if your partner’s paying attention to other people triggers you, this might indicate repressed abandonment issues.

When you pay close attention to what triggers you, you’ll start to notice the emotional wounds that make up your shadow.

Accepting and understanding your emotional wounds will allow you to pause and calm down when you feel triggered -instead of letting your shadow side take over and get you all frantic.

Taking a moment to pause and evaluate the situation before you react to the drama orchestrated by your shadow is quite hard.

But, as you do more shadow work, you’ll get better at it.

And you’ll eventually get to a point where you’re not so hyperreactive.

Here’s a great question to ask yourself when you feel triggered: what is the underlying fear that is making me feel this way?

3. Identify repeating negative patterns in your life.

The reason why you’re experiencing repeating negative patterns in your life might be because you have certain negative aspects of your personality that operate outside your awareness.

To identify these repeating patterns, here’s a great question to ask yourself: what are the pesky habits I have that I’m not aware of but seem to always get me into trouble?

You might be wondering why you need to bring up these repressed dark aspects of your personality.

Well, you need to bring them up so that you can assimilate your shadow and persona to experience the benefits described below.

1. Better relationships.

Projecting onto others your fears, anxieties, concerns, or any other dark aspects of your shadow can strain and damage any relationship.

And since the shadow operates on its own without your full awareness, you might do things that you wouldn’t voluntarily do, or say things you wouldn’t consciously say and later regret them -after they’ve ruined your relationships.

But, when you understand your emotional triggers, you’ll learn to calm down and rationally evaluate the situation before you start projecting.

And your relationships will get better and stronger.

Because instead of tarnishing them, you’ll start to show up as an informed person that is conscious of the negative aspects of your personality, and how they can ruin your relationships.

2. Self-compassion and acceptance.

Doing shadow work will give you a greater understanding of the complex dynamics of your emotions and ways of relating to them.

It will also illuminate the repressed needs, wants, and flaws that you were taught to be ashamed of.

This will enable you to accept and integrate the undesirable aspects of your personality, which will help you learn to fully love yourself.

Understanding that all your undesirable traits or behaviors are the result of childhood trauma -and the trauma you develop as you go through life, will help you get rid of the idea that something is inherently wrong with you.

3. Develop compassion for others.

Shadow work helps you see people realistically.

You see them as human beings that have a light side comprised of all the traits that you love and admire, and a shadow side comprised of all the traits you loathe and despise.

Also, when you begin to examine your own shadow, you’ll likely discover how much hypocrisy you’ve been harboring.

You’ll learn that what you hate and despise in others is what you hate and despise in yourself.

This will help you address any prejudices you might have against others, and you’ll decrease the tendencies you might have of judging others harshly.

Have you heard of the saying: How you treat someone says more about you than them?

Shadow work will help you become kinder to others by reducing projection when interacting with people and minimizing negative or unhealthy conflict.

4. Retrieve creative gifts and talents.

If you expressed any creative endeavors as a child but were ridiculed or even frowned upon by your family members or peers, this might have forced you to repress them.

For example, if as a child you desired to become a singer but came from a family that did not respect that career choice, this might have forced you to brush this part of your personality to the side.

And this might have left you feeling empty and disconnected from your true desire and calling.

Shadow work can help you discover and even reconnect with these latent talents and gifts that innately delighted and interested you as a child and bring them back into your consciousness.

A great question to ask yourself that will unearth any hidden gifts and talents is, what would I do if I wasn’t scared?

5. Helps with your manifestation.

From a spiritual standpoint, your shadow is a separate entity with an energy field of its own.

And because it’s made up of negative traits like envy, anger, jealousy, and resentment, it will attract to it an energy that’s in vibrational alignment with these traits.

So no matter how hard you’re trying to manifest good things to yourself -if you’re unaware of the negative traits of your shadow and you fail to accept and work through them, your efforts will be in vain.

Remember that when you project these negative traits unconsciously, you also attract the energy that’s in a vibrational alignment with them unknowingly.

Your shadow can profoundly affect your behaviors and life experiences, so you need to shine a light on those unconscious parts of yourself, their qualities, and their intentions and assimilate them.

Shadow Work is the process of assimilating your shadow.

It will give you leverage to develop a conscientious understanding of your shadow -which is part of the healing process that will help you confront your most repressed and restricted truths.

Here’s how you can assimilate your shadow.

1. Journaling.

Writing down your triggers is an excellent way to identify your unconscious traits.

For example, when you feel triggered by some unpleasant experience like an altercation with someone, instead of brushing it off to the side -which is a sure way of having the situation happen again- write down everything that happened.

Write down the words that were said, the feelings that the words stirred up, and the thoughts that ran through your mind during the altercation.

This will help you identify any emotional wounds you repressed.

For example, say you were told to shut up quite often as a child by your parents, siblings, and peers -because they thought you talked too much.

If during an argument the other person mentions an innocuous statement like I wish you could just stop talking for a minute and listen to me, at that moment, your muscles will tense up, your heart rate will go up, your blood pressure will rise, and you’ll immediately see red.

Even when the person probably didn’t mean to offend you.

Keeping a shadow journal is a safe and practical way to dissect such situations and work through them.

It’s important not to censor yourself.

Write whatever comes up without overthinking or judging yourself.

You’ll begin to identify your emotional wounds which are the trigger points that keep such dramatic situations reoccurring in your life.

2. Having an inner dialogue.

This is a strange but therapeutic approach to doing shadow work that I often do after realizing I can’t afford therapy.

For example, after going through a negative situation like a disagreement or an argument with a loved one or a colleague, I imagine a therapist sitting in front of me and dissecting the issue with me.

I imagine the therapist asking me all sorts of questions about the situation directed at uncovering the reason why I reacted the way I did or why I said the things I said.

This whole situation feels so real to me that every time the imaginary therapist points out where I went wrong, I get mad.

And when I get an “ah” moment by realizing an emotional wound that might have triggered me to react the way I did, I note it down.

After all, since I’m in a therapy session, of course, my therapist has a notebook where all my breakthroughs are documented.

This probably seems strange to you, but I’ve realized that having an inner dialogue allows me to work on my emotional wounds.

So try to keep an open mind and try it out as well.

3. Meditating.

Sometimes it helps to be silent and listen to your thoughts without any judgments when you’ve gone through some negative situation.

When you meditate, your inner toxic critic might surface and start hurling at you all sorts of negative things like you’re such an idiot, why do you act like this?  

All these criticisms stem from your shadow self that longs for acceptance, so embrace it and have some compassion for yourself.

Remember Judgment is a form of non-acceptance and when you are telling yourself that you shouldn’t be like this or like that, you only make your shadow bigger, stronger, and darker by repressing your feelings.

So instead, practice saying loving words of affirmation when your shadow aspects surface during the meditation.

Examples include:

• I am worthy
• I fully accept myself
• I am enough
• I deserve happiness
• I have a lot to offer

4. Analyzing your dreams.

Carl Jung, the psychologist who brought awareness to “the shadow self” valued dreams as a tool for assessing the unconscious parts of our personalities.

You can use your dreams to look for repeating patterns and symbols to identify any aspects of your mind that you usually ignore.

Noting down your dreams can provide you with insight into your greatest fears, concerns, and desires that you might otherwise not be conscious of in your waking life but form part of your shadow.

Conclusion

Your shadow plays a vital role in your overall psyche, energy, physical health, maturity, and creativity.

So, you can’t just expect a divine force to rescue you from the suffering caused by the unconscious behaviors of your shadow, you’re your only chance for redemption and catharsis.

Take charge and start integrating your shadow and persona through practicing shadow work.

It’s important to keep in mind that shadow work will not eliminate the guilt, fear, or anxiety from your life, but it will help you not to feel any recrimination against yourself when these feelings stir up.

Integration of your shadow through practicing shadow work should be a lifelong process because it will help you get closer to self-realization, improving not only yourself but also your relationships.

Remember: There is no light without a shadow.